another day another dollar

Well today was a roller coaster. Up and down, but I think i ended up on top this time. Tomorrow is looking better, but I have taken steps to ensure my getting better.

As a side note, one of my commentators said that perhaps this was a hormonal shift rather than anything else. I disagree, as this has been going on for over a month now, plus I have been struggling with clinical depression for over 5 years now. For those of you who didn't know that, tah dah! I'm on a very light dosage of a generic antidepressant (basically zoloft), and take counseling when I feel I need it. This is a time where I feel it would be beneficial. Special thanks to a certain person who moved to Louisiana who knows who she is for helping me to pursue my demons when she was here. Furthermore I think counseling (since I get it for free at school...) is a good addition to any mental health mantra as its just one extra outlet. Like having a surge protector on your computer, just one extra way to prevent a major crash.

My frustrations the past week or so have simply been exacerbated by the absence of dear friends and the fact that I was so certain I had made leaps and bounds past the stage I am currently at. Last year was very challenging for me, but also very healing in the way that I conquered many of my body image issues and gained back the self confidence I had lost in the transition to the next stage in my life. This current 'backsliding' if you will infuriates me when I had worked so hard to surmount those roadblocks the first time. But I suppose the old addage must come into play, and I'll get back on the horse. Its when my own self-punishing nature comes into play that things become seemingly hopeless, for I conciously put myself away from anything pleasing or joyful merely to punish myself for my melancholy. This is my folly, one I find very hard not to feed. But I'm a work in progress, I suppose God intended it that way, else wise I most certainly wouldn't be me. And wouldn't that be a shame?

Onward friends, I must alert you to a horrifying bit of information. As some may know, I'm a closet anime fan. Well... alright, I'm not really closet at all. The point is I came upon a gruesome fan fiction the other day that was a crossover between Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place and Yu Yu Hakusho. This greatly alarmed me as I am quite the fan of the intrepid Spirit Detectives and to mix thier likes with that of ....bleh... disney channel... is too sinful for words. I implore all of my like minded compatriots to join with me in a giant outcry against distasteful fanfiction on all the web. Please, for the sake of the children...



Meanwhile, back at the ranch.... I've never really had the opportunity to write that phrase, you know? I'd like to let everyone know my opinion regarding Sarah Palin. I don't like her as a candidate. I have many reasons, in fact I wrote a whole paper on the subject, but mainly my personal opinion is that she is an atrocious public speaker and can't handle an interview with Katie Couric for land's sake! The woman stumbled though foreign policy as if foreign policy itself was constituted in her mind by the fact that she can see russia from her state on a clear day. Who cares?! She also kept falling back to her main points with little to no supporting evidence or examples. I'm picky, there are even professors I love to death whom I can't stand to watch speak because they have certain ticks that bother the heck out of me. For instance, one of my current professors in my cap class is absolutely brilliant, has a vocabulary that makes me drool (being the bibliophile I am). However, he has tha habit of peppering every other words with um or uh. Now, granted I'm not the best public speaker in the land by anymeans, but I can say it still greatly detracts from my attention.

However, the reason I'm not voting for McCain/Palin isn't because Palin sucks at interviews, no my friends, its for principles far deeper. Palin/McCain are against abortion in all cases, even in rape and incest. I am a strong believer in an individual's right to choose in such a personal matter. I don't believe any government should be able to take your control over your own body. I also don't believe the government has the right to decide whom a marriage can be between. Marriage is a matter of religion in my mind, and I think the only thing the government should be giving to ANYONE, two men, two women, one man one woman, hermaphrodites, whatever, is a civil union with whatever tax benefits are currently attached to the word marriage. It is not wrong to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transexual etc. I think god cares for us all equally, and if you are so inclined to be attracted to someone who is not of the norm, so be it and god bless you for at least being who you are. It is those who are not true to themselves that irk the heck out of me. I also think that if McCain and Palin are going to invoke so much patriotism into thier speeches and such, they need to go back and look at what the framers of the constitution originally intended, and that was a small central government and states that do not rely on the federal government for every move. I also, after being involved with the IEA/NEA, various school districts and directly working with youth education in this state, cannot stand to have the No Child Left Behind Act continue to be upheld by a McCain/Palin administration. I have seen the havoc this has wrought on so many educators and resolve that should I ever end up in a position to speak out against more than I already have, I shall pursue it to no end.

Finally, I would like to address the idea of McCain/Palin as how myself and many of my affiliates feel. Bush to McCain would not be a change or reform in D.C. It would simply be a shift in who holds the reins. I see nothing but furthering the travails that our country has been involved in. I mourn now for the day they see election, for my rights will easily die with the sunrise.

I am an independant moderate, who thought she was a republican, until she saw the underbelly of republican politics in Illinois. I am a woman, young and true and idyllic in thought, hardened in the head, but not yet in the heart. I am a cynic, who hopes against hope. I am innocent, and wish to fight as such until corruption swallows me up, despite the teasing and catcalls of an older, more seasoned generation. I am inexperienced and unknowing but aware of what I lack.

Thus, I am forever yours,


The Lady in Black