I wonder what the birds sound like somewhere else, in other countries. I love the birds of evening here. My home shall always be Illinois, the plowed earth against the hues of an evening sky: orange, shades of magenta and deep purple fading. Black trees against a midnight blue in the distance as I hear my familiar midwestern birds. The black capped chickadees have thier strange phoebe call and my mourning doves of the late evening with their lovely cooing. Then there is the crackling caw of my big burly guardians in the murders of crows hanging about the fields. The great lilting honk that rises in an almost questioning tone if you listen long enough comes from the Greater Canadian geese found throughout campus and the field hunts of my childhood. But also in the evening you have the wonderful fiesty fighting sounds of twittering juncos that always make me feel like I could go on an adventure in the woods. Perhaps I could become Sam Gribley once again and find a great old hemlock tree to live in, eh? That would be the life... I've always wanted a pet falcon.

Speaking of birds of prey, there happen to be two or three owls that live on campus, as you can tell because the trees are 'whitewashed' where they have been roosting. Plus it is always easy to tell an owl call (especially the widespread Great Horned Owl) by the always recognizable 'hoooo...hooo". If we had barned owls it would scare the bejeezies out of you because it is a screeching call like some demonized dragon in minature form... right scary sounding it is if you aren't expecting it.


Well... I'll continue my discourse on birds later... but I do wonder....


what does evening sound like somewhere else?

My Prewriting for my CAP Interdisciplinary Research Project.

*Warning!* The following prewriting is inherently unorganized, random and may be offensive to some readers. DO NOT attempt to read thinking there is some point.


START:

So immediately when I saw this paragraph from the prompt :

Assignment Description:

This linked project has several parts which will span the final weeks of the course. The Interdisciplinary Research Project (IRP) is a collaborative assignment on a selected theme from the topics in CAP 121. Based on your research topic and interests, you will be teamed with 2-3 colleagues with which you will work closely for the remainder of the semester. The class schedule details the time allotted for each phase of the project. In selecting a research topic, consider what you have learned about the Multiculturalism and its influence on American culture, politics, and values. Here is a list of broad themes to guide you in choosing a topic:

Immigration and Assimilation

Media and Cultural Representations

Belief and Spirituality

Gender and Sexuality

The last part grabbed me and said… ohhh… you could go for broke and really ask some solid questions about sexuality since we dealt with it earlier in the class when reading the Toni Morrison novel. You could ask what is the concept of virginity look like in America today? And what is its meaning and value? What is it that historically makes it wrong for women not to be virgins but men shouldn’t be ones. And what about what is virginity and how the term has changed. Then you could turn that around and ask those questions of African American females and how that affects their 'worth' in society, considered they already have two strikes of being 'black' and 'female'....

Orrrrr… if I didn’t totally want to go for shock and awe considering I do have to make a presentation on this and I may not want to be that gutsy, I could always go for the Belief and Spirituality card by asking questions like (and since I am ‘highly encouraged’ but not required to connect this to my previous assignments *grroowwwlll*) …. Lost it.. stupid distracting side discussions in class...

Ok… so what about looking at the multiculturalism of Barack Obama (Half black/half white anybody?) and seeing how that affects his popularity between whites and blacks in his voting base…. Plus the fact that he has Hussien in his name… that whole thing… and he’s a Christian… he’s one walking contradiction. Charming man though, god love him…he claims he’s not too many years far removed from middle class America as he and his wife were once struggling law students themselves… not long off at least… but I feel that excuse dosen’t cut it because of the fact that true middle/working class Americans mostly haven’t gone to college, let alone law school…. Difference there that’s huge… but whatever.. Oh... and there's the fact that he was raised by his white grandmother... how did that atmosphere/environment affect how he is seen by black voters?

Multiculturalism and its influence on American culture, politics, and values.:

Straight from the prompt… hmm.. You know I really think Barack could be an icon for that statement, use him as a magnifying glass...but perhaps not…it’s so clichéd….and I do hate being clichéd… But then.. I suppose a lot of people could be used in a similar fashion to look at such an idea…

They want me to use the image I used for my VRA to continue where I’m going with this project… ick.. no fun… don’t want to do it! Bill Bojangles Robinson and African American Film History doesn’t speak multiculturalism to me... I suppose it could... but I'm not feeling it right now. I feel like I could do more with this.

"Constructed Blackness"

8 Mile: Main character is more accepted among black community than white community. But then that cannot be argued in a way because of the ‘White Trash’ moniker

Malcolm x

Spike Lee’s Bamboozled.

School Days Spike Lee’s

The Boondocks

Is Black race…. Or is it a ‘state of mind’? Is Black how you act, how you talk, how you dress,etc. or is it your history, the color of your skin, your ancestry?

How white males construct ‘blackness’ in order to confirm their manhood.

Look at sales of ‘rap brands’ i.e. music, clothing etc. and sales in suburbia or to white consumers

Ex. Eminem is more black than some actual ‘black’ people I know.

Black individuals ‘acting white’ and their acceptance in the black community.

And that folks is my prewriting thus far...


Special thanks to one very cool and talented former Professor for his advice and help in locating sources and giving some much needed life to my ideas for my CAP project... You are incredibly helpful and I bow before thy greatness.



See you later Space Cowboy...

I need to get out of my house.

I need to get out of my house. Spring break has simply proven once again that I need only spend a few days, let alone hours with my family before I start to regress from confident individual to subservient daughter once again. I'm tired of this. I'm sincerely thinking of getting an apartment on campus from June 1 to July 29 according to housing contracts. By the time that contract would be up I would be living on the fair grounds anyway in time for state fair and after State Fair I would return to live in the new dorms (grrr). One thing is for sure however, when I wake up this morning and start asking questions in my head again (Why can't you be in a good mood for once? Why do you have to guilt me into everything? Why can't you trust me? Why can't you be kind to one another? Why do you have to make me feel bad about my body?) That's when I realized, you were right. When I'm away, I try to pretend its ok. That its no big deal: they are my family and I need time with them. That's true. But not enough time to make me regress to less and more unstable of a person than I was before. That's what Spring Break has done, and this is getting ridiculous. I won't stand for insults, I won't stand for this ridicule and I'm tired of my views meaning nothing unless they agree with what is standard in this house. I won't do it any longer. I've never done anything wrong, I've always been very good. My wall is literally, littered with awards, I'm paying for college on my own, and I always do as I'm told. Well now I'm realizing that quite a bit of my obedience to my family is what has me unhappy. Because what makes me happy is markedly different from what makes each of them happy.

So I'm going to try. Because I'm tired of being this way: sad, self-concious, sometimes lonely and sometimes violent on myself. I honestly do want to get better and be happy. I just have to stick with my choices, be bold and deal with what heck comes down on me as a result.


Carry on.


See you Space Cowboy....

WHAT THE HECK? (And random attempt to add photo to blog)

Alright, as some of you may know I have had many struggles with my weight and nutrition recently. College is not a place where it is easy to be healthy, even for a 'somewhat health nut' like me. Roughly 3 minutes ago I just weighed myself and found myself to be 123.6 pounds. I try to weigh myself every week or every other week. Last time I weighed myself I was 129 pounds. A while back I went from weighing 125 to 121 in about 3 days. I know its normal for a person's weight to fluctuate and all, especially women, but this is just getting ridiculous. I eat like a bird when I do eat, can't focus well and have become mildly dehydrated which means its hard for me to wear contacts and after I work out I usually end up vomiting any water I have drank. Plus I am trying very hard to get myself rehydrated again and its just not happening that fast, if at all.

I am taking 17 credit hours this semester and I took 18 credit hours last semester. I think this overloading on top of all of what I am already involved in and committed to in my life has me very stressed, unable to focus and produce the quality of work I am famous for, and has definetly affected my health. Now, since neither of my parents went to college and I had no idea what to expect coming into the University, you'd think my advisor would help me out.

Uh-Uh.

I got nothing from my advisor. A sheet of paper and was told to pick out classes from here and here. That helped a lot.....*sarcasm*. If someone had told me what was normal for a class load would have helped. I was under the impression that because I am an honors student it is expected to take the full load. Apparently not. I'm just seriously disappointed with my experiences thus far and am mortified I might lose my scholarship from CAP. I'm getting two tutors, one for spanish and another for math, but they cannot meet with me until after midterms. I've been trying to study more, but between trying to get to class, doctor appointments, taking care of things at home, homework, doing laundry and keeping things picked up, my commitments with U of I Extension, finding time to eat, finding a way to sleep in this forsaken little white box of death they call a dorm room, I'm having a tough time. If I could get into a town house or apartment I would, unfortunately CAP Honors makes me stay in this place another semester.

*Sigh*


Complaining brought to you courtesy of my big fat mouth...


I've just got to keep trooping along I guess and pray for the best. Thankfully I know that God and good friends always have my back.


See you Space Cowboy...





Oh, and okay..... this is a special announcement made just for a certain person who knows who he is: I, the Lady in Black, do confess that I am not really politically conservative. I am actually more moderate with leftist leanings and fiscal conservatism. Happy? .... yeah.... I know you're smiling.... and you can just stop that right now......

I think I'm going crazy seriously. To stand to look at oneself is an amazing feat so few can attest to truly accomplishing.

Writing in college? No... not really...

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 1:9

Ah, how sad it is that this verse rings true. I am working on my 'Writing in Discipline' paper for CAP and I am continually given the advice to 'paraphrase' my sources and it just seems to me that all these silly papers do is make us paraphrase. Where is the new ideas? The fresh look, the gathering evidence to come to our own conclusions at? It's like a book report for land's sakes! I want to know what is the point of college writing if it seems like all we do is research and never present an actual valid, original viewpoint. I see none of this. When do the CAP students stop writing book reports and start actually writing?


If I sound frustrated, it is because I am.

There truly is no new thing under the sun, but even more so in college writing. We are simply reproducing and representing works others have already done, and done much better may I add. *sigh* Give me research to do, give me a history or a bookreport or an overview to do if you want me to. But DO NOT call it writing, darn it. Don't call it that, because that's not what it is. It's regurgitating information that has existed, will exist and continues to exist... how blase...






*sits in corner hugging knees rocking back and forth*

"Hug me."




See you Space Cowboy...

Some old roleplaying stuff.... the introduction of a character I loved...

So this is some old role playing I did with a couple friends from National 4-H Congress. I was inspired/challenged to play a villain on an RPG board. Here's the background for the story:

The Story

After years of pollution, all life on Earth was either forced underground or died. Running low on all life support supplies, humanity gathered together what they could, and in a desparate attempt to stay alive, fled the planet in a single, great ship.

After crashlanding on an eerily Earth-like planet, the remaining population stayed together for survival. But, as humans are, they refused to give up the technology they had.

Over the years, the population spread, building new and greater cities. Brilliant minds duplicated and improved the technology brought from Earth, making high tech life-support and super-food - and weapons as well. And humanity, too busy with themselves, overlooked everything else.

Hidden away, there were other things. From Earth, things had hidden on the ship, mutations and ancient life forms. On the new planet, other things had lived for ages, and now watched. Things humanity had thought only to be in storybooks.

How wrong they were.

Some of humanity has realized they aren't alone. But most won't believe that things are creeping in...

Information

Centuries have past since the crash, long enough that Earth is now no more than a tale of old. Unlike in the past, humanity is not reaching skyward, but focusing instead on those places they have colonized. Despite the years, most of the planet remains uncharted, though recent decades have brought about explorers - many of whom disapear, and are forgotten.

Numerous other races exist, most out somewhere in the wilderness, some walking about the cities like any human would. Many have their own ways, and their own technologies, but it is mostly humans who push the mass use of machinery.

Now here's the part I wrote :



Atlantis. The city of dreams. The city of peace. A peaceful life, where all could grow and prosper without the hanging tide of gluttony and greed that had swept the planet. Freedom. Prosperity. Safety for all who cross its threshold.

How quaint.

Michael wore a tiny grin behind his menu. He was sitting in a classy French restaurant that was frequented by the well-to-do of the city. Watching the other patrons as they dined in the soft light of candles, he was thinking about what had this city all abuzz. Atlantis. His smug grin grew wider at the thought of it. Atlantis was supposed to be a place of sanctuary for all non-humans, a place of rebirth for thier races so that they may live in thier own city in peace with the new human race. He scoffed mentally at this idea.


Really. Such fools. How could it be possible to live peacfully with such... vermin. Without their precious machines, thier command of their digital aresnals, humans would fall so easily...

The soft glows of the candles glittered off the silverware on the immaculate white table cloth and seemed to accent the tender strains of a piano in the background. Michael looked to the night sky through the glass next to him. The stars seemed so dim with all the smog and trash those vermin had produced. But soon all this would come to an end. Atlantis would come to be, but it would be under HIS command. A place of peace, indeed, but only after eliminating the competition.

The piano music seemed to fade as the blood pounded through Michael's ears. The plan would work yes... the ancient ways were still alive.... and the humans had forgotten what little they knew of the true sciences. The sciences of the elements, the alchemy that would soon shut down thier world. Yes. A blight would fall upon the human race, and the ancient races would once again rule the planet.

The city of Atlantis will be consencrated with the blood of humans...

Michael calmed as the waiter walked up, and flashed him a classic friendly smile.

"Sir, what is your pleasure for this evening?"

"The braised scallops and julliened garden vegetables." Michael answered, scanning the menu languidly.

"Very good sir, and to drink?"

"I believe a bordeaux is in order, I am celebrating a recent business victory."

"Yes, sir. Congratulations sir. I'll have it brought right to your table."

The waiter scurried off, leaving Michael eyeing the man's jugular with heavy lidded eyes. He could almost taste the man's blood, and yet he must eat like the other patrons to keep up appearances. Michael sighed and watched the stars. The waiter's blood would not satisfy him, anyway. He was like all the other humans on this planet, a mixed breed. One who was a descendant of the true humans from earth that had interbred with the strikingly brilliant and human-like inhabitants of this new planet they had colonized. No, the waiter's blood would be bland, not with the exciting metallic taste that a TRUE human's blood had. It was a true human that he must use to create his atlantis, this Michale knew... for otherwise, his kingdom would fall as fast as he would create it.

"Your wine, sir." The waiter had returned, carrying a chilled bottle of red bourdeax in a white towel. The waiter showed Michael the label before being given a nod to uncork the bottle and pour the man a glass of the wine.

"Will that be all sir?" the waiter asked, as Michael sipped a taste from the wineglass.

"Yes, thank you." Michael said, barely lifting his eyes. The waiter nodded and scuttled off. Michael stared at the wine in his glass for a moment through heavy lidded eyes.

Red. Blood red. Like the streets of my city will be when I use the blood of a human to purify this world.

He stared out into the starry night sky again, and began to contemplate the waxing moon. But where was Michael to find a full-blooded human? Not one of these mixed breed mutts that were only slightly better than the original vermin. His plan would not work without the proper... ingredients.

The moon was waxing. Soon it would be full, and his plan could begin. His needed human blood was near, young and fresh. He had even used his alchemical knowledge to pluck it from times gone by.

A black bird flew by the window, bringing Michael out of his reverie. There were others, he knew. Searching for his city, and what they thought it should be. But he would decieve them until it was too late. Until they were already citizens of his realm, and it was too late to escape. Too late for so many of the vermin.

Michael sipped his red wine, staring at the moon.

The time is near...

He gave a fanged grin to the luminous orb above him, and prepared to leave.[/i]