So I noticed today in my Oral Comm class that we have an interesting arrangement of seating. We have a 9 by 5 desk set up, but most of the girls sit on the right side of the room. There are two girls and the boys sit on the left side of the room. In between, there are two rows of desks, separating the class into two little islands. I find this interesting in an analysis of personality. you see, the right side of the room is what i call 'real girls'. You know the type perhaps: valley girl style talking, tend to wear nail polish and love to go shopping and gossip. On the left side of the room are the males and two girls. These two girls are what one might call more of 'tom boys'. One girl plays basketball for UIS. She's very pretty, don't get me wrong. She just typically speaks like a guy, more rough voice and the usual ephemisms. She always has to come to class right after practice, too so she's typically very athletic looking in a hoodie and warm ups or some such. The other girl is very quiet, tends to sit and doodle and is always in the very front row. I find her to be attentive, but not the same as the girls on the other side of the room, thus her fit with the 'male' side. Now I am not saying these girls are always tomboyish, but in the division of the classroom, there's an obvious division between the two groups of students.
There are at least two rows of empty seats between the two groups. This is a rather obvious gulf, mind you. Interestingly, I chose to sit in this middle ground. I sit in the empty row in the middle towards the right side of the room. Originally I chose the chair I sit in because A: I am a creature of habit and need a 'home base' of operations, and B: it is a green chair, and I love green, it reminds me of 4-H. (If you don't know what that is, you need to message me immediately because 4-H is a huge part of me and reasonably this blog....) Tghis resonates with me as I do consider myself sort of 'in the middle' when it comes to gender roles. For instance, I have a great love of cars, trucks and horsepower in general bu I am also a ball room dancer. I am one big contradiction really. I consider myself a renaissance woman: I do a little bit of everything.
I'm a passionate speaker, an intellectual and leader. I'm also a poet a seamstress, and affectionate and loyal friend. I'm a a classically trained pianist and a classically trained domestic. I know how to get a stain out of almost anything, my sewing portfolio includes two civil war ball gowns constructed from scratch and my culinary skills have always been well received by my guests. So? What's the big deal you may be asking. Well, I'm also a huge fan of NASCAR, enjoy conversations on politics and debating world views, I hunt and fish, and I have a love affair with technology (despite sometimes being rather inept.)
Heck, even my career path is one dominated by men: government and law, anyone? My closest friends are mostly of the male persuasion, saving a few females that are like myself and also renaissance women of sorts. So why are my confidants and comrades typically male? Well... most girls tend not to like me much. I won't get into the nitty gritty, but I attribute most of their dislike to my rancor for clothes shopping, love of knowledge, and continuous, steadfast and voluntary lack of a boyfriend. (Honestly, women that think they need a man to be 'cool' or 'successful' or whatever they think is truly pathetic... No offense to all my boys out there who read my blog, but I know YOU guys don't like dependant females, so I think I'm safe.)
So now this begs the question "What am I?". I would ask, " Who am I?" but i know the answer to that one already.
The other day someone told me that I'm "basically a long haired guy". I took great offense to this comment, because I do not wish to be seen in that light. I consider myself a lady, and wish to be treated as such despite some of my more masculine interests. Most of my friends realize this and acomodate it most effectively. I have specific issues with this I think because of the environment in which I have been raised in. My father is VERY sexist and has pushed me very hard to be 'the best', while at the same time I feel he has tried to prescribe to me two different roles. Perfect example was that at 11 years old I took my hunter's saftey education course and enjoyed hunting with my father. (Mind you, my father is a very hard man, i still love him so, but he's very hard to connect with on anything so this was a grand opportunity for me.) However, when I turned 15 I was not allowed to go hunting anymore as my father deemed it inappropriate for me. Another prime example is the HUGE fit he threw when I took small engines for 4-H this past year. His words were something along the line of 'why would a girl want to know anything about that *@&#'. Anyway, I won't go much deeper into that relationship as this is a graded blog for a class, but I think some of you have at least an idea of what I'm getting at. I'm sort of a blend of both gender roles I guess. They say that women are the gatherers and men the hunters, that classic sexist ideal. However, I debunk that myth so much in being all that I am. I am a true, just and loyal protector and gaurdian. I am both fragile and strong. I am both confident, and insecure. I am a contradiction. But I feel that my friends would say that they like having me around. That despite my many contradictions, that they enjoy my company and the relationship they have with me. I'd like to think that at least. I'm never all that boring, mind you, what with the spectacle I am.
As I say, I am not hard to please, just impossible to understand...
But then, maybe you aren't meant to understand me, no matter how much I may want to be understood. Maybe that's just part of being me. Ahh... too many maybes... too much philosophy for one day eh? All from the green chair in COM 111.. funny how my brain works eh? Am I really a deep thinker, or just a random one?
Ciao ya'll,
Lady in Black
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4 comments:
Gender is learned. a person is the one who decides what roles that they accept in life.
I wouldn't go so far as to say "gender" is learned; in fact the David Rhimer case pretty much debunked Dr. John Money's popular theories to that effect, but whether a certain activities are categorized as feminine or masculine probably has a lot to do with the interplay between biology and culture--because of my disability, I was spared a lot of masculine posturing as a kid, but I still leave my underwear in the middle of the floor, etc. ...I sympathize with what Rebbecca is saying here: I do virtually all of the cooking at my house, and my wife drives, etc. I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to put together an engine. That impresses the hell out of me.
but you are an exception. and as far as leaving underwear in the middle of the floor, i was not aware that was gendered. but we are who we are based on what we are taught, not what is biological.
a lot of current research on the subject [mainly espoused by Dr. Milton Diamond] shows otherwise.
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