Finals week...

Oh goodness.... do I feel awful, I am not up to par so I'm not even going to attempt to be my usual somewhat cognizant self....


So far the week of finals has not been a good one. A: I can tell I'm getting sick. B: I'm sleep deprived. C: I don't eat on a regular schedule anyway... D: ummm..... nevermind...

I am random at the current moment. I have decided to dedicate this evening to the attempt to relax and possibly some sleep here in a little while.

I am positively scatterbrained of late. I positively CANNOT focus. This is not simply procrastination. Everytime I attempt to focus on the task at hand, the list of things still yet undone floats to the top of my head and I begin planning what next I need to do. It frustrates me to no end...

Especially when I was attempting to finish my spanish test and I blanked every five seconds because my ridiculous brain could not stop trying to figure out when x, x, and x were going to get done...

Then I had to rush to dance lessons that night because class ran late, and I couldn't figure out how to get to the Hoogland center for a while because where I normally turn at the rail road tracks was blocked off. I was too the point then that I was about ready to just give up. It took me more than a little patience and some attempts to calm my self down mentally before I finally figured out how to get there. Then once I arrived the first dance I do is the Crystal Schottish: the one stupid set i can't figure the rhythm on.... how pathetic. But after a while, we moved on to the Lanciers which I infinitely love to dance, so that was slightly better.

Earlier that night some guy who lives a floor up for me somehow got wind that I might have an extra poster board (?). He came down to try and buy one off of me, but as I told him i didn't have an extra, he looked so sad and forlorn that me and my big mouth offered to pick his group up one after my dance lesson. So what do I do when I am stressed and don't feel well? I cannot say no....

So that was how I found myself at Wal-Mart on Dirksen at roughly 9:30 pm last night, searching out a poster board and since I had not eaten that day yet, I found something to eat as well. (However this was not one of my better ideas as it did not stay down very well and made for a rather dismal night anyway.) I then had to rush back to LRH to meet with the only member of my poster group who gave a flippin' care to piece together our poster. God love the girl, but it took entirely too long to paste everything on the board. We had to print out the other group member's paragraphs because the majority of them were last minute submissions that had to be hunted down and choked from them. Group projects quite plainly suck, I have bad luck in that i am usually the one left holding the bag because I actually CARE about my grade. Anyway, it took entirely too long to put together the poster than it should have. We went from 10:30 to 12:30, when in reality, since I had everything as far as pictures printed and cut out, it should have been more like a thirty minute, fourty-five minute ordeal. But, it looked good so that's all that matters I suppose....

From then, I slept for a while then woke up because the girls on the side of the hall opposite me were banging on the doors again. I swear, can people in this building not be quiet?! I cannot sleep in this place. I wish I had my own apartment (which is cheaper than a dorm, amazingly) so that it could be quieter, and I could have Chelsea, Josh, Jason, Brad and Chris over when ever I please. I also would be afforded some privacy and I could decorate as I like.

Today's poster session was .... meh.. in my opinion. As the other group members hadn't the foggiest as to what was going on they mainly wandered and did evaluations of other groups, while leaving myself and the other girl to explain our poster. Again, God love the girl, but she has entirely too soft a voice and she, like myself, was a bit miffed on how to explain the project. I mean, what was the purpose? How is this educating anyone? Why? What is the goal being achieved. I need some goals to even out my education here, I need something to set a target on, to aim for. Yes I am ending a sentence with a preposition, got a problem with that? I am tired and thus care not for your english grammar grumblings.

Right now I am exhausted, I still feel pretty crummy, but I don't have the energy to go work out to make myself feel better. It feels like more and more I'm just plain tired. It really bothers me as I feel like that's part of the reason why I'm not achieving like normal. The other part would have to be my general discontent with my college education in general. My dislike of the CAP program seems to grow daily, I feel as though I am getting jipped. However, at the same time, I am loathe to give away the silly little title of 'Honors Student'. How stupid. But then, I suppose, dear reader, if you have seen the walls of my room, you'd know why I like to be the 'Honors Student' and why I value success so highly.

I abhor winter. Why is it so cold? Hmm? Spring, Fall are preferred in my book and Summer is ok, but honestly... winter? grrr....


I feel like I am complaining. I despise complaining. It make me feel bad about myself and makes me feel weak. I am not weak, and I am not a complainer. I shall stop this blog post, but hopefully it will be enough to appease one of my dear readers.


I end with this.


The shoelaces shall be mine.


God bless ya'll